Bar girls, conflict and connection (june 2020)

I am at a gig of a new hot singer-songwriter. She's performing in a bar/pizza place reminiscent of somewhere in East London. A stage on one side and a long wide open-style bar on the left of it. It's a busy crowd. I'm not particularly interested in her music but I'm with people who are, so we go up close.

This is a common place for me. Someone else is in the position where I could get self-esteem. The focus is another singer. A bar is a meeting place for strangers, dionysus' spot. Busy crowd - I'm just one of many. This brings up the backdrop of feeling insignificance/important, visibility/invisibility.

I head to the bar to order drinks for everyone and the bar woman (who is around my age) gives people numbers to order of who will be served first. As she's alloting these numbers, she misses me. I think "that's fine, she'll notice me afterwards", then someone else comes along and she puts them in front of me even though I had been there waiting for a while.

Bar woman is meeting with a fierce anima figure (I'm confused because this is a meeting with the masculine and the anima at the same time - don't know how to coagulate that). Bar woman has authority in bar - knows how to act, I don't know how to act, how to be accepted in this space. I get ignored and I withstand it.

I say to her, "am I invisible?" Basically argue and it doesn't actually go as badly as I often fear in real life. She makes some jibe about me being sexist and having male entitlement but it didn't really feel that bad in the dream. Her criticism didn't penetrate me as much as I often fear it will.

"Am I invisible" - a question often on my lips. I have been neglected/ignored by this female figure. In this dream world, the reigns are off and I'm able to express my own fire and it has been recieved, some fire shot back but the fire doesn't burn me.

My attention is then drawn away from this conflict and to another girl who I assume works there too and is standing nearby. She is amused that I challenged stood up to the barmaid and is surprised that she didn't completely blow up when I clashed with her (it is implied that this barmaid is pretty formidable and fiery).

The conflict with the fiery feminine, when survived, opens up a more affectionate, understanding relationship with another feminine figure.

We keep talking from this point and slowly it is understood that we like each other and become romantically ewntined. That entwinement becomes physical as she wraps around me, looping her arms over me and says "I am the dorodos" (I know she means ouroboros and is refering to our entwinement, like a pretzel). It feels like she understands me and she likes me and I like her and the way she reacts to things and surprises me (this is my go-to attractive quality). I whisper to her "I hate conflict". It's a way to explain my interaction with the barmaid and how it was me pushing myself out of my comfort zone.

A beautiful conuinctio (marriage) moment. It is exciting and reassuring. I am being accepted by the feminine. I accept the feminine within myself and we are joyessly together. It's comic that she mispeaks, it's cute and I find it really appealing. This code word of bonds us together and after waking I think of it fondly and it makes me smile. I have a sense of immediately knowing her and being known and accepted and that we both love and accept each other and it is exhilirating. It's interesting that she names it with the wrong word (this has happened in my dreams before). A dragon/snake eating its own tale doesn't appear before me, but it is merely refered to. The symbol of unity, completion is hinted at. The reward for travelling through the word of fire and surviving it.