I Don't Have A Ticket, But The Show Is Mine (June 2020)

Dream in which I take part in drag event. I arrive at the venue for a drag event which I had bought at ticket to be in the audience for but, when I arrive, I realise I've forgotten the print-out/proof of the ticket and the security person doesn't believe me. Although I have a right to enter, I have misplaced some small proof which means my rights aren't recognised.

Drag as a form brings about both freedom and persona armouring. Embodying a paradox. We are given freedom from the prison of the original persona by adopting an exaggerated (hyper feminised persona) to allow repressed characteristics and expression out in the container of performance. I am not permitted into the house self-expression, freedom, experimentation because of something misplaced. Self-sabotaging forgetting, the dream-ego fears this expression while it is compulsed toward it? Security guard is a part of myself which holds some authority and protects the self from expression. Protective inner super-ego says, you don't have the right to self-expression.

In the end, the security person allows me to enter but on the grounds that I have to leave before the show starts. I feel ashamed. I enter and pass Georgia Kemble, who is leaving and says "bye Calum" in a fond way (someone I wasn't sure knew who I was) and she is with a beautiful black girl who I am taken aback by. This recognition feels good.

I am able to slink in, through the backdoor, but I am permited in only as a lesser being and I hold shame for not being fully permitted in, having the full rights of the rest of the audience members. However, this slipping in is all I need. Once inside this space I meet and am recognised by anima (Georgia Kemble and her beautiful friend), foreshadowing my marriage with the feminine which later leads to a purification/shedding of persona.

As I enter, I'm able to walk around the main set and see the seats where the audience will be sitting. I sense that the lights will dim and the show will start soon so I'll have to leave but, as I'm walking out, Brydie says "don't you wanna do just one dance to this/performance/lipsync?". I say "nooo, I'm leaving. The show's about then start" And then I change my mind and submit, "ahhh, ok! Just one!". All eyes are on me, I am dressed me up in sequins and fake breasts (though they are very realistic). I shake my breasts back and forward, all these sequins are flying off my body.

Again I am encouraged by the anima to perform and take attention and take my right to be there. Turning on its head the fact that I must leave before the show starts and am lesser than the audience, I take the lime light in a sneaky fashion. I fuse with the feminine (shiva?) and everyone enjoys it, I enjoy it, and I am shedding these sequins (persona). Sneaking in (like stealing the key from under the mother's pillow) and stealing the show, being spontaneous and recognised. Shedding my persona.