Rubber Balls

themes: castration, impotence, invasion, secrecy

story	associations
A dream that my parents reveal to me that for the majority of my life, I have had fake balls and they took out my real ones because of "a complication". I retorted, "but why can I still cum?! These rubber things have cum in them?!"	A secret "complication" is kept from me until this day about my impotence. This impotence may be direct in my sexual dysfunction or as a tool of general eros - paralysis and depression.

story

associations

A dream that my parents reveal to me that for the majority of my life, I have had fake balls and they took out my real ones because of "a complication".
I retorted, "but why can I still cum?! These rubber things have cum in them?!"

A secret "complication" is kept from me until this day about my impotence. This impotence may be direct in my sexual dysfunction or as a tool of general eros - paralysis and depression.

conclusion
This feels like it refers to my circumcision which I often wonder whether it was due to some complication which related to my sexual disconnection or disfunction/lack of feeling of pleasure. "Firing blanks" and "rubber bullets" come to mind when I think of this replacement. It's a kind of comical dream but it feels like it covers up a feeling that more generally, my seeking of pleasure, joy, my libido for life in general has been severed by my parent's "complication" (their sufferings). And I'm firing with rubber joy, unable to feel real and in touch with true desire.

conclusion

This feels like it refers to my circumcision which I often wonder whether it was due to some complication which related to my sexual disconnection or disfunction/lack of feeling of pleasure. "Firing blanks" and "rubber bullets" come to mind when I think of this replacement. It's a kind of comical dream but it feels like it covers up a feeling that more generally, my seeking of pleasure, joy, my libido for life in general has been severed by my parent's "complication" (their sufferings). And I'm firing with rubber joy, unable to feel real and in touch with true desire.